The best thing I will see for awhile.
Exoplanets orbiting stars near the Sun.
Hopefully no one takes this to mean that other stars, and their attendant planets, revolve around us, right? I mean, we’re cool, but we’re not THAT cool.
Although the number of confirmed exoplanets is only in the hundreds, the number of estimated exoplanets could be as high as 100 billion (or more?), or one for every star in the Milky Way.
And that doesn’t count the cold, presumably dead, rogue planets wandering interstellar space, forever alone.
tell him his dick should be on america’s next top model
what happens if he loses
he doesn’t get to be on top
ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.
“The leg kick before a female starts to twerk symbolizes the shackles of 400 years of slavery and oppression being broken. God bless America”
^^^ I’m done.
[Image Description: Background is several triangles in a circle like a pie alternating from true red, scarlet and black. A robin is sitting on his perch looking to the right.
Top Text: “EXCUSE ME. CAN YOU TELL ME - ”
Bottom Text: “NO.”]
No, you cannot have a discount on it. No, it doesn’t come in any other colors. No, we don’t have any more in the back. No, I am not going to let you cut in front of the line. No, you can’t come in to ‘just look’ after we close. No, I don’t know where the nearest car wash is. No, I don’t know if or when we’re getting more in. No, we don’t do alterations in the store. No, I have no idea if this will fit your cousin. No, that is not my natural hair color. No, I don’t want to hear your racist/sexist joke. No, I will not take your money that you just pulled out of your bra/shoe/pants. No, I can’t break the rules “just this once” for you. No, your bratty little child is not adorable. No, I’m not going to tell you what I’m doing after work. No, you can’t return it after you wash it. No, you can’t have cash back. No, I do not get paid enough to deal with this shit. No. No no no no NO.
By Patrick Mustain, MPH
Dear Consumers: A disturbing trend has come to our attention. You, the people, are thinking more about health, and you’re starting to do something about it. This cannot continue.
Sure, there’s always been talk of health in America. We often encourage it. The thing is, we only want you to think about and talk about health in a certain way—equating health with how you look, instead of outcomes like quality of life and reduced disease risk. Your superficial understanding of health has a great influence over your purchasing decisions, and we’re ready for it, whether you choose to go low-calorie, low-fat, gluten-free or inevitably give up and accept the fact that you can’t resist our Little Debbie snacks, potato chips and ice cream novelties.
Whatever the current health trend, we respond by developing and marketing new products. We can also show you how great some of our current products are and always have been. For example, when things were not looking so good for fat, our friends at Welch’s were able to point out that their chewy fruit snacks were a fat free option. Low fat! Healthy! Then the tide turned against carbohydrates. Our friends in meat and dairy were happy to show that their steaks, meats and cheeses were low-carb choices. Low carbs! Healthy!
But we’re getting uneasy.
In 2009, Congress commissioned the Inter-agency Working Group (IWG) to develop standards for advertising foods to children. The IWG included the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA).
Congress identified these organizations as having “expertise and experience in child nutrition, child health, psychology, education, marketing and other fields relevant to food and beverage marketing and child nutrition standards.”
We were dismayed when the IWG released its report in 2011. The guidelines said that foods advertised to children must provide “a meaningful contribution to a healthful diet.” For example, any food marketed to children must “contain at least 50% by weight one or more of the following: fruit; vegetable; whole grain; fat-free or low-fat milk or yogurt; fish; extra lean meat or poultry; eggs; nuts and seeds; or beans.”
This report was potentially devastating. These organizations, experts in nutrition, were officially outlining what constituted “a meaningful contribution to a healthful diet.” Thankfully, we have a ton of money and were able to use it to get the IWG to withdraw the guidelines.
In a public comment posted on the FTC website, our friends at General Mills pointed out that under the IWG guidelines, the most commonly consumed foods in the US would be considered unhealthy. Specifically, according to General Mills, “of the 100 most commonly consumed foods and beverages in America, 88 would fail the IWG’s proposed standards.” So you see? If you people start eating the way the nutrition experts at the CDC and USDA recommend that you eat, that would delegitimize almost 90 percent of the products we produce! Do you realize how much money that would cost us?
According to the General Mills letter, if everyone in the US started eating healthfully, it would cost us $503 billion per year! That might affect our ability to pay CEOs like General Mills’ Ken Powell annual compensations of more than $12 million.
But revamping the food environment will also cost you money. The General Mills letter stated “a shift by the average American to the IWG diet would conservatively increase the individual’s annual food spending by $1,632.” Sure, we’ve heard talk about costs to the individual that arise from being obese. One 2010 paper from the George Washington University School of Public Health and Health Services estimated that the annual costs to an individual for being obese can be upwards of $8,000. We like to think of this as a small price to pay for consumer freedom.
Of course, we don’t necessarily want you to be unhealthy. It’s just that it’s so much more profitable to provide foods that happen to be unhealthy. We’ve been able to industrialize the food system so that we can produce massive amounts of the cheapest ingredients available, in the cheapest, most efficient way possible.
On top of that, we understand human biology. Humans evolved in situations in which food was scarce. This led to an evolutionary adaptation that causes you to crave salty, sugary and fatty foods. Consuming foods with these characteristics actually lights up the same pleasure centers in the brain as cocaine. Who wouldn’t play upon that biological craving to increase profits? If one company didn’t, their competitors would, so we all kind of have to do it.
We are also able to provide you with perceived value. Because it doesn’t cost us that much more to make a soda, say, 42 ounces instead of 22, we can almost double the size of a beverage and only charge you 20 percent more. How could you resist a deal like that? You can’t. Trust us, we know.
So you see, dear consumer, everything is fine. We’ve got a good thing going here. There’s no need for you to start worrying about the industrial food system. If you do start thinking about your weight, check out our line of Healthy Choice frozen meals. If that doesn’t work, our friends over in the pharmaceutical industry, the health and fitness industry and the healthcare industry will be happy to help you to continue to fulfill your role as an American Consumer.
Patrick Mustain earned an MPH from The University of Minnesota School of Public Health and an MA from the University of North Carolina School of Journalism & Mass Communication. He is a veteran of the US Navy, a freelance videographer and multimedia producer, and a skeptical fitness professional. Patrick is interested in how commercialization shapes the way people think about and pursue health, especially in the fitness, nutrition and weight-loss realms. His other interests include food advertising and policy, obesity prevention, health promotion, the effects of media consumption on health, consumer advocacy, outdoor recreation and fitness, parks, environmental determinants of health behavior, music, biking, climbing, snowboarding and he really, really loves food. You can find more of his work at his website, patrickmustain.com. Follow on Twitter @patrickmustain.
There’s a couple things that will happen to you all at once.
For starters, let me say that you have about 12 seconds to live and it’s going to be quite the painful experience. Now, the things that wont happen to you that many assume will:
- You will not freeze
- You will not…
Ugh, the Bob Marley tag is sickening. I am so tired of fools associating this man with weed smoking and ganja, please stop this bullshit. Rastafarians do not spend the entire day smoking weed okay? Stop posting pictures of yourself smoking weed and tagging it with Bob Marley and “ganga” you fucking assholes please go away.